Re: Two Batty Kids :: Me and Polo

[Polo trapped in an inkpot]

Orion grunted faintly and closed his eyes when James touched his forehead, presumably taking his temperature. 
"I'm not sick." He pointed out indignantly, a faint smirk curving his lips. He was proud of himself for keeping his cool, although it seemed he had surprised James somewhat. Soft fingers brushed over his cheek as James drew back his hand at last, and Orion looked up at him again, seeing concern in his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but James beat him to it.
"I know. It would be incredible to be able to play there, but..."
"But?"
James closed his eyes, and Orion watched with a frown as his friend really thought over the offer, perhaps for the first time. He wanted to hold James's hand, to comfort and support him, but to give his friend the space to think, he held back.
"I don't know if I want the job though." James confessed at last, "Too much commitment, especially when I know that, well, I'm not going to be performing as a profession. I think I may audition, just to see if I could get the job, but not take it... Or maybe not. If Chang is as manipulative as you say, he might not like me going just for the hell of it, right?"
When he saw the smile on James's lips, Orion mirrored it, and answered with amusement, "He'd hate it, but there's nothing he could do. It might be worth it, just to see his face." He chuckled, then swept back his hair, pulling a face at the greasy feeling. He didn't smell too bad thanks to the sponge baths, but his hair felt disgusting. He wished they'd let him get up and take a shower, but the doctors had stubbornly refused. Casting off his thoughts with a shudder, he quickly refocused, then added, "For the record, James, I'm going to support you no matter what you choose. Sure, Chang's a pain in the ass, but I'm your friend - well, something of that nature, anyway-" He shrugged; this was not the time to define their relationship, "And this could prove to be a great opportunity for you. You could try it out, get your music out there, and it would make a great addition to your CV. You'll just have to make sure you're playing Chang more than he's playing you." Orion smirked, and added with a devious twinkle in his eye, "Frankly, I'd give just about anything to see somebody use him for a change. The man thinks he's a f*cking god." He snorted derisively, then reached over and gave James a brief squeeze on the shoulder. "Listen, this is your decision. I just want you to know that I'm not going to stand in your way, just because of..." He flapped his hand dismissively, "Him."

[Batcat]

James opened his eyes and saw a matching smile on Orion's face, and he let out a breath he wasn't aware that he had been holding. Good - Orion wasn't completely pissed off at him, then. He was so relieved that he could have just thrown himself down and kissed the man right there.
That thought brought him up short. With how new he was to the whole 'gay' thing, he was certain that he should be a little more hesitant when it came to displays of affection. But then again, it felt like something had clicked into place when he realized - or rather, when he accepted that he liked other men. All in all, it, was just a confusing ordeal.
He sighed as Orion continued speaking. "He'd hate it, but there's nothing he could do. It might be worth it, just to see his face."
Who? Oh yeah, Chang. The audition. Right.
It suddenly occurred to James through Orion's tone that he might be willing to see James go through with this and then turns Chang's plans upside down just to get a little revenge on his foster father, that he might be more vengeance driven than he had let on. Although when James looked at the situation, it really only made sense.
"For the record, James, I'm going to support you no matter what you choose. Sure, Chang's a pain in the ass, but I'm your friend - well, something of that nature, anyway- And this could prove to be a great opportunity for you. You could try it out, get your music out there, and it would make a great addition to your CV. You'll just have to make sure you're playing Chang more than he's playing you. Frankly, I'd give just about anything to see somebody use him for a change. The man thinks he's a f*cking god."
Yes, revenge definitely. But that was not driving him. There was still compassion in him - but all of it was for James. He would rather see Chang happy if it meant that James was doing what he loved rather than James unhappy because he tried to pull this little revenge skit.
And that made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
"Listen, this is your decision. I just want you to know that I'm not going to stand in your way, just because of... Him."
James let a small smile slide onto his face as he reached out and took Orion's hand off of his shoulder and squeezed it in his hand. "Thanks, Orion. That really means a lot to me. I thought..." He swallowed and looked down, as if trying to think of what to say, and then shook his head. "I don't know what I thought." His eyes flickered up to meet his friend's again. "I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to do though. Just say the words."
With a sigh, he started tracing small circles on the back of Orion's hand with his thumb, evidently ending the conversation. "How are things going here? They told me they had you on antidepressants. Are you feeling okay?"

[Polo trapped in an inkpot]

Orion noticed James's smile, and the next moment the boy was holding his hand, squeezing it softly. Orion just blinked at him, looking faintly surprised by the affection, yet undeniably pleased. He presumed that he had done well, then. He was glad he'd taken the time to think before he spoke; he'd not always been able to do that, and now he realised that it was as invaluable a skill as people said. It had certainly served him well today. 
 "Thanks, Orion." James said earnestly beside him, grabbing his attention back to reality, "That really means a lot to me. I thought..." James looked away, "I don't know what I thought."
"You thought I'd drink your blood?" Orion quipped lightly, smirking at his friend. He knew what kind of impression he gave off, and it was no accident.
James looked up at him again, and when he promised that he wouldn't do anything Orion didn't want him to, Orion couldn't help but smile at him. 
"I appreciate that." He said, squeezing James's hand fondly, "But it's really fine."
He heard James sigh, and then everything went quiet for a while as he watched his roommate trace light patterns on the back of his hand. It was oddly comforting, and he felt a dull, warm tingle in his scalp as he looked on in a daze, content just to sit there in silent company. 

"How are things going here?"
"Hm?" Orion looked up, faintly disgruntled as he resurfaced from his daze. 
"They told me they had you on antidepressants. Are you feeling okay?"
"Ah, that..." He cleared his throat awkwardly and reached up to scratch his cheek, fingers rasping lightly over the faint growth of stubble. "I haven't taken any. I'm not depressed." He wrinkled his nose in disgust, "I suppose they figured that being a total prick was my way of saying I'm sad, but really, I'm just a prick. It also doesn't help that they're kinda convinced I tried to kill myself before." He shrugged, then offered a slightly embarrassed smile to cement his point. Of course he wasn't happy about being in the hospital, but as long as James kept stopping by to visit, he knew he could cope. He only hoped he didn't have to put up with it for too long, because frankly, he was frustrated and bored out of his wits already. He didn't see why they couldn't let him go. It wasn't like his guts were about to spill out now...

[Batcat]

"Ah, that... I haven't taken any. I'm not depressed. I suppose they figured that being a total prick was my way of saying I'm sad, but really, I'm just a prick. It also doesn't help that they're kinda convinced I tried to kill myself before."
He tried to kill himself before? James tried to think about where they would get that impression, why anyone would think Orion was suicidal - besides his choice of attire. He remembered initially associating wearing all black to being depressed, and therefore leading to suicide, but early on in his high school career he learned the difference. A good majority of the black-wearing people were just trying to be rebels or something like that.
Oh, the stitches.
Right. The story was that he had ripped them out himself. And why would anyone do that if they wanted to get better?
He frowned and glanced at the door, as if checking to see if anyone was coming, and then looked back at Orion. He really just wanted to kiss the man again, but he couldn't. Not here anyway.
With a sigh, he settled for tracing more patters over Orion's skin, using just a hint of his nail every now and then for extra flare.
"I hope you get out soon." He said. "The room's been really quiet without you. I've gone back to drinking most nights and going to sleep early." He chuckled and leaned back in the chair. "Aine makes a habit of dropping by a few times a day though. I don't even know what that girl is all about. She's crazy."
The two made small talk for a few hours, until James happened to glance out the window above Orion's bed and see that it was dark out.
"Shit, I have to go." He murmured, gathering up his jacket underneath his arm. After a moment of hesitation, he leaned down and quickly pressed his lips to Orion's in a quick motion, a bit more forceful than necessary in his hurry.
"I couldn't help it." He said with a smile, as he pulled away, squeezing the man's hand lightly. "Hopefully there's no cameras in here. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Don't miss me too much."
He flashed a wink at the man and turned away, walking out the door and heading to his car. When he got in, he sat at the wheel for a few moments in park, and then went back to the dorm. He sat with Aine and Cory for dinner in the cafeteria, and Cory told them about the book she was in the middle of writing.
"I started it in tenth grade, but never got around to finishing it. It's about a zombie apocalypse." Then she delved into the details of the story, and James found that he was actually able to forget about Orion for the moment and pay attention. When she finally ended at the part where she was stuck on, James offered his opinion on what should happen. She pondered the idea for a moment, and then told him she would consider it. That made him nearly giddy.
When he headed into his dorm to sleep, he climbed back up on Orion's bed, this time with a beer, and sat there, sipping at it slowly, running his right hand over the keys to the keyboard that he hadn't put away earlier. When they beverage was done, he tossed it onto the ground and burrowed under the covers, thinking that it was nice to be able to fall asleep with the smell of Orion around him. ((Creep, oh my gosh.))

Aine was escorted to Orion's room once again by the nurse who thought that she and Orion were an adorable couple. Although that certainly was not true, she did nothing to dissuade the illusion. No harm in a little imaginary girlfriend action.
"Hey, kid!" She said cheerfully when the nurse closed the door, leaving the two of them alone. The redhead popped a small plate onto the tray near Orion's head. "I made you some toast. The doctors said it was the only thing you could have in your 'exhausted condition' and all." She made quotation marks with her fingers. "Anyway, are they going to let you out in time to come see James's audition? He was telling me and Cory - my roommate - about it at dinner last night, and the two of us were going to go." The whole time she chattered, there was a huge smile on her face.

[Polo trapped in an inkpot]

James stayed a few hours longer, and Orion was grateful for the chance to spend time with him, even if it was mostly spent making idle small talk. His hand remained in James's for most of the evening, and he found that the smiles came surprisingly easily to his lips while he was in that boy's presence. 
But all too soon, night began to fall, and when James saw it creeping up outside the window, he cursed and stood up to leave. 
"Look after yourself." Orion murmured as he watched James gather up his jacket, "Don't drink too much, okay?"
Before he could stress any more about not being there to keep James's drinking under control, the other boy ducked swiftly towards him, and before Orion could figure out what was happening, a pair of lips pressed quickly to his. He kissed James back, just briefly, and then they parted, and James squeezed his hand.
"I couldn't help it." He said, and Orion grinned at him, clearly chuffed, "Hopefully there's no cameras in here. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Don't miss me too much."
"I'll try." He chuckled, although he knew it would be harder after that kiss. Quick as it was, it had reminded him what he was missing, which was more than just friendship. 
"Bye James." His roommate flashed him a final wink, then walked out the door. He was alone again. 
Sighing heavily, he slumped back in his bed, and started glaring at the ceiling again. He had already memorized every crack and stain...

***

Aine was the first person to visit him the next day. When she first walk in, Orion couldn't help but feel disappointed that it was not James come to visit, and he felt wretched for it afterwards. So, when Aine came over to greet him with her usual bright cheer, he made something of an effort and responded in kind, even though he was not feeling particularly cheerful. 
"I made you some toast." Aine told him, setting a plate down by his headboard, "The doctors said it was the only thing you could have in your 'exhausted condition' and all."
"Oooh, toast, gimme!" He exclaimed, grabbing it and taking a ravenous bite. He groaned, closing his eyes in ecstasy, and mumbled through his mouthful, "Mmmm, real food..."
"Anyway," Aine continued, leaving him to annihilate his meal, "Are they going to let you out in time to come see James's audition? He was telling me and Cory - my roommate - about it at dinner last night, and the two of us were going to go."
"Hmph." Orion snorted derisively, popping the last morsel of toast into his mouth, then swallowing without really bothering to chew, "God help them if they won't let me go. I'll bust out of here in the middle of the night if I have to." He folded his arms stubbornly, but after a moment, his expression flickered, and he admitted reluctantly, "They don't want me to leave the hospital for another couple of weeks, until they're sure I'm not going to catch some sort of infection." He rolled his eyes, "But I'm not missing James's audition, no way in hell. I just... don't know how I'll manage to get there yet."
It wasn't as if he could use Mr. Chang's influence to pull strings. Not with the way his foster father hated him. He'd either have to try score a favour out of pity, or he would have to rope Aine into some kind of grand escape plan. He had to admit that the idea was an exciting one, but with the risks involved, it was not his first choice. 
Thoughtfully, his eyes darted back to the door, where the nurse who had shown Aine in had vanished. She had always been fairly kind to him...
"Think we could convince her?" He asked in a low voice, looking back at Aine and raising an eyebrow. "C'mon, Sherlock. Show me those great 'people-reading' skills of yours. Let's put 'em to some use here, huh?"

[Batcat]

Aine arched her eyebrow when Orion began devouring the toast that she had set before him. Honestly, she hadn't expected him to be so... ravenous. And there wasn't even any sarcasm in his tone, either. Apparently hospital food was every bit as bad as she had heard. More incentive not to have a life-threatening injury be inflicted upon her.
"Hmph. God help them if they won't let me go. I'll bust out of here in the middle of the night if I have to."
"That's the kind of determination I like to hear." Aine said with a wry smile.
"They don't want me to leave the hospital for another couple of weeks, until they're sure I'm not going to catch some sort of infection. But I'm not missing James's audition, no way in hell. I just... don't know how I'll manage to get there yet."
At the little expression of doubt, the gears of Aine's mind were already spinning, and so when Orion asked her to think of a way to get him there by using her 'people skills', she already had the basis of a plan formed. She knew that she could probably convince the nurse who thought she and Orion had a thing to let them out - or, at least, look the other way as they sneaked out.
"How do you feel..." She began murmuring, her eyes flickering around the room, as if there would clues hidden everywhere. Finally she settled on Orion's face, gauging his reaction slowly. "If we had to miss our three year anniversary dinner at this Opera House because you were lying in bed in a hospital? especially if it took me months to swindle these tickets for audition night from an elderly gentleman? Not to mention, they're costly seats as well..." She knew that there was a reserved section for the friends of each performer, but the nurse didn't. And even if she did, there was no reason she needed to know that they were James's friend. The whole "time and money" was the key thing would probably sell the deal.
A devious smirk twisted the corner of her mouth up as she looked at Orion.

[Polo trapped in an inkpot]

"How do you feel..." Aine began, and Orion felt his face slowly sink into a dark, satisfied smile, "If we had to miss our three year anniversary dinner at this Opera House because you were lying in bed in a hospital? especially if it took me months to swindle these tickets for audition night from an elderly gentleman? Not to mention, they're costly seats as well..."
"How would I feel?" He repeated dramatically, raising an eyebrow, "My, well that would be heartbreaking, especially for a poor orphan boy who's put his whole life's savings into it." He smirked dangerously, "It would be such a tragedy, I might even cry. Well, maybe not, but you could."
With a chuckle, he looked back at Aine, and now his eyes were shining, fierce and determined. "I have to hand it to you," He said, "You're good."

***

It took quite some convincing and some very dramtic action on both their parts, but eventually, Aine and Orion managed to convince the nurse to let them slip away just for one night. She told them that she would bring up a wheelchair for Orion - he swore he was fine to walk around, but even he didn't really believe that - and then try to keep the doctors distracted while they sneaked out. The rest was up to them. 
Orion thanked her, and then he and Aine spent the rest of the visit chatting and planning until she finally had to go. Once he was left alone again, Orion grabbed up his notebook, and resumed writing, his pen scratching swiftly across the page in an eager, determined fashion.

***

The next few days passed in a blur, and though James came to visit, Orion did not mention that he'd made a plan to be able to see the audition. It may have been childish, but he was excited, and some boyish part of him wanted to show up and surprise James.
So, come Saturday, he was awake from shortly after dawn, anxiously tapping his fingers on the duvet. Occasionally he'd write a few lines in his notebook, but for the most part he just sat watching the clock on the wall, waiting for Aine to arrive and put their plan into action. He couldn't wait to get out and taste fresh air again!

[Batcat]

"I'm here!" Aine called in a sing-song voice as she stepped into Orion's hospital room on the big audition day. She skipped over to the man's bed, little red dress sparkling as it swirled around her. It was a little more mature than her typical sundress. "It's my roommate's." She confided to him, leaning down to whisper in his ear. It fit her nicely for not being her own - a little loose, perhaps, but it still looked fabulous, and it accented her curls gorgeously. She had gotten pretty for this event.
The nurse watched from the doorway, a small smile on her face as she watched Aine flirt shamelessly with the man on the bed, touching his hand and ruffling his hair. When she was shot a meaningful glance, she nodded, and left the room.
"All right, let's get this show on the road." Aine murmured, immediately straightening up. "You think you can get into this wheelchair by yourself?" She pulled the object up next to his bed and fluttered there, waiting to see if the man needed any assistance. She had hoped that her acting skills weren't too bad - and that she didn't make Orion too uncomfortable. And as long as James never found out, there would be no need for him to get jealous.
She almost chuckled to herself. Orion was about as straight as... as... a circle. Did that even make sense?
James, on the other hand, he was more of an ellipse. Not completely straight at all, but definitely not completely gay, either. She saw the way that he looked at Cory - not that Cory wasn't something to look at - but it just didn't make sense for him to be one hundred percent homosexual. Not at all.
She sighed and tried to still her quivering hands.

[Polo trapped in an inkpot]

Orion had finally managed to convince the nurse that he would not die from one shower, and although it did mess him up a little, he was glad of it, since at least he now felt clean. He'd also managed to stuff himself into the clothes he'd arrived in - since he had nothing else - and just decided he'd keep his hoodie zipped up to hide the hole that the knife had ripped into his shirt. He would have liked to dress up a little for this, but he supposed that beggars could not be choosers. At least he wasn't bare-arsed and greasy-haired any more, so that was something to be thankful for. 
When Aine arrived, he realized that she had pulled out all the stops. 
"Wow!" He exclaimed the second she walked in, his eyes darting over the red dress flowing over her body. It was absolutely gorgeous. ((He's so gay.    ))
"You look fantastic."
"It's my roommate's." She explained, leaning down to whisper to him. 
"Well, it suits you." He smiled, "So, shall we do this?"
She ruffled his hair, and he pulled a face at her, but he allowed her to touch his hand, and he played along convincingly with the flirting, offering warm little smiles and touching her cheek, whispering all sorts of romantic nonsense. At last, the nurse bought it and left. Orion sighed in relief. Not that he minded flirting with Aine - it meant less to him than scratching his own ass - it was just that he was anxious to leave; to see James. 
"All right, let's get this show on the road." Aine declared at last, and he nodded eagerly, "You think you can get into this wheelchair by yourself?"
"Who you talkin' to?" Orion grinned, kicking his legs over the side of the bed and depositing himself in the chair. Almost immediately, he had pushed it forward onto its back wheels, entertaining himself by trying to keep it balanced. After a moment, however, it hurt his half-healed stomach, so he dropped it to the ground with a faint clatter, and looked back at Aine, his eyes more alive than they'd been in days. 
"Well?" He said impatiently, "Let's get that dress out in public where it belongs, huh?"

After that, the pair crept out of the room. Orion swore that he was fine to push himself in the wheelchair, and that he could keep up, but he saw Aine standing at the ready anyway, in case he was weaker than he thought. It felt almost like justice when they'd finally checked the coast was clear, and he could send himself speeding down the passageway with one powerful thrust to the wheels. His upper body strength really was a feat to be admired, for it showed when he was in that chair. 
Luckily, the hospital was fairly deserted. The nurse - Orion had nicknamed her 'Honey' due to the colour of her hair, and her pathetically sweet nature - had done a good job of giving them a clear way out of that place. And, sure enough, their dash led them straight to the wide automatic doors out front. They parted to allow him through, and as the cold night air hit his face, Orion shouted a triumphant "Hah!"
This was what he had been craving! The feel of pure, natural cold, without that damn air conditioning. The taste of the evening air, be it of trees or pollution, and more than anything, the feeling of the wind on his face. He wished more than anything that he could take his bike for a spin. The air was perfect for it, with the faint breeze, and the fresh crispness all around him. It made him want to run and scream, and take on the world. He had a feeling a storm was brewing. 
Orion took one more deep breath, then climbed reluctantly into the Taxi that Aine had called. He cursed freely to himself as he folded up the wheelchair, grumbling about how he wouldn't need it anyway, but that was a lie. He felt okay to stand, but he hadn't completely managed to convince himself that he wouldn't fall down after walking for a while. 

The taxi drive was a long and uneventful one, and Orion spent most of it with his head out of the window. This would have left just about anybody else looking ridiculous, but as usual, his hair cooperated perfectly, and the windswept look - however scruffy and unfitting - was dashingly handsome on him. 
Soon the Opera House was before them, rising up in all its lit up glory like a ship in the night. His heart fluttered with excitement at the sight of it, and when he thought of seeing James - his James - play there, his stomach actually did a flip. He had always loved the Opera, and somehow, mixing that with the love of James's hauntingly beautiful music just seemed... Right. He couldn't wait. 
Even so, he composed himself, and entered the Opera House with as much dignity as a man in a hoodie, tattered jeans and spiked boots and - less conspicuously - a wheelchair, possibly could. Luckily, the place was dark, and somebody was already playing when they crept quietly in. 
Drawing as little attention as they could, they made their way to the seating reserved for James's friends and family. Orion wondered absently if his family would be there, and he decided that they probably wouldn't. If he knew his roommate - and he felt that he did - then James probably wouldn't have told them. Wouldn't want them here. 
Orion couldn't help but think of Tess, and wonder what she would say if she knew he'd taken her poor, conflicted brother and thrown him head-first into the boiling pot of hatred that was gay life within such a loathsome society. His stomach churned at the thought, and he felt his face grow pinched as he tightened his lips. As happy as he was about whatever he and James had, he knew that guilt would never leave him. In fact, it only worsened the more he came to care about James, but he didn't care. He deserved the guilt. He had f*cked up, and it didn't seem right that that should bring him the happiness it had. Happiness he'd not felt in years. 
Yes, he was glad that he was suffering. How else could he ever differentiate between right and wrong, knowing that this - his greatest mistake - had brought more joy into his life than years of desperately toeing the line?
He was still lost in his thoughts when the lights dimmed. As his eyes lifted to the stage, a single spotlight flickered down over the organ, and suddenly, there he was. A lone figure before the instrument, brilliant in the light. 
A soft sigh escaped Orion's lips, and he felt his shoulders slacken. 
James... I made it. I'm here.

[Batcat]

Aine rolled her eyes but kept a smile on her face as Orion pulled himself into the wheelchair with relative ease and proceeded to balance it up on its hind wheels.
"This isn't a skate park." She said under her breath, but she could keep the amusement from her voice.
The man insisted that he roll himself around, and although Aine was a little worried that he'd strain himself - the nurse specifically told her not to let him do that - and wind up back in the hospital for a second time, before the night even ended. But she was also relieved, knowing that it would not be a fun time for her to push a full grown, muscular man around. She figured she'd tire out before they even got to the cab.
The yellow car was waiting for them, just as Aine had planned. She climbed in, and then waited for Orion. She could see the driver - a handsome young man with stormy blue eyes and a head of cropped brown hair - eyeing her in the rear view mirror. Although it was nice being admired, it kind of made her uncomfortable, causing her to cling a little too closely to Orion just a little.

They were dropped off at the main entrance to the Opera House, and Orion didn't even wait for her, so eager as he was to get to the performance. Aine paid the driver and followed him in. Cory was waiting for them in there, she forgot to tell Orion, but surprisingly, he had picked the pair of seats next to her - probably because they were the only two open.
Cory looked striking in her black mini-skirt and combat boots and button up black blouse. In fact, she could have almost been twins with Orion - although she looked a lot more dressed up than he did in his tattered jeans and hoodie. She, at least, looked like she belonged here. Give her a glass of red wine to hold, and she was golden.
The redheads exchanged little waves, and Aine tried to introduce her to Orion, but the man was too busy paying attention to what was going on center stage. The last performer had just finished and had walked off to a thundering roar of applause.
James was walking on, now, looking pitifully tiny and frail compared to the last, who had been a beast of a man. With flourish, he bowed, and then took his seat at the organ, pushing back the tail of his waistcoat over the edge of the bench dramatically.
Aine turned and saw on either side of her eyes transfixed on the figure - and it was not just Orion and Cory. People all around them were captured by his confidence and enchanted by his age, as they could tell from the program that he was only twenty one years old, and still attending university.
"I will be performing 'Belt of Stars'," he announced, as was customary. "Composed by James Doran."
There was a small gasp from the audience as they realized that he himself had composed it. Aine supposed that it was unheard of.
With a sweeping glance over the audience - during which he did not see his trio of friends - he turned back to his piano and struck the first chord.
After that, Aine was swept away in a tidal wave of disjointed notes, half formed rhythms, and angry pounding. The organ sounded magnificent, and with James at the bench... It seemed as though there was nothing else in the world but the boy and his instrument.

[Polo trapped in an inkpot]

James was, in a word, awesome. And not 'awesome' like a cool pair of shoes or the new cake on the cafeteria menu, but awesome in the true sense of the word. For when Orion looked at him, he was filled with an awe the likes of which he'd never felt before. He felt almost as though he were witnessing something sacred when James flicked back the tail of his coat, and prepared to play. 
"I will be performing 'Belt of Stars'," He told the audience confidently, "Composed by James Doran."
Orion did not register the connection to his name, but when James started to play, he recognized the melody. It seemed to change every time he heard it, as James altered and developed it, but still there was something in the base blueprint of the tune that made him recognize it. It was the very piece that James had begun composing on the day they'd first met, and Orion still remembered the way the emotions had struck him when he'd first heard it. Back then, it had seemed to dig up all the demons of his past; baring all of his fears and insecurities, all his anger and struggles. Now, however, it held a difference message for him entirely. 
He looked at James, playing his heart out on that stage, and he felt... Hopeful. Hopeful, and defiant, for the first time in years!
The entire opera house was hushed as the young man at the organ stunned them with his talents, overcoming the impossible odds to shock the world, so young as he was. The inspiration of it all was enough to move the crowd to tears, but Orion just sat quietly, hands folded in his lap, as the haunting melody washed over him, reverberating magnificently through the remarkable acoustics of the opera house. He just sat and listened, and as he did, he realized that he'd never been prouder in his life than he was at that moment. For one brief second, he could even forget Mr. Chang's involvement in all this, because to see James living his dream up on that stage was something... Something magical that, try as he might, he knew he could never find the words to explain. 

At last, the harsh, heavy keystrokes quietened, then dwindled away into nothingness as the piece reached its end. James stood to take a bow, and in an instant the audience were clapping, some even daring to stand. Orion's knees were shaking too hard for him to do anything of the sort, but as the room filled with applause, he added his own to the din, shaking his head in disbelief as he looked up at James - his James - standing on that huge stage, so tiny in the spotlight. 
Then, just like that, he was walking away as the next performer was ushered on. Now, Orion couldn't help but stand. He craned his neck, looking over the crowd in an attempt to see where James might have gone. Then he sat down, and turned to Aine. 
"I'm going to find him." He told her quietly, not speaking loud enough for Cory (was that he name? He hadn't been listening) to hear. After all, he hardly knew the girl, and his trust was not so cheaply bought. "Sorry, but can you give us a moment? I can arrange to get myself back."
He thanked her and, on impulse, gave her a brief kiss on the cheek. It was unlike him, but it felt like an appropriate way to end their little act. He flashed a wink at the fiery redhead, then pivoted his chair on its back wheels, and pushed himself off down the aisle. 

It took several minutes of confused rolling around before he finally found James. He had been given his own preparation for the room, with a name plaque on the door and everything. Orion whistled at the fanciness, although it did not surprise him. Nothing but the best for Han Chang. As one of the man's 'imperfections', he would know. 
Nevertheless, he was impressed, and pleased that James got to experience this kind of star treatment. Thinking back to the performance, he felt himself smile slightly. Then he stood up, and knocked on the door. He grinned as he imagined how surprised James would be to see him, and in his eagerness, he pushed the door open before his friend had a chance to let him in. 
"Hey." He grinned, pushing it closed behind him, and holding out his arms awkwardly (was he allowed to give this superstar a hug?). "I, um-" 
Too late, his doubts began to strike, startling and staggering him. 
Will he be pleased to see me? Did he want me to come? Am I even allowed to be in here? Am I getting too ahead of myself, thinking it'll make any difference at all to James to have me here? Hell, I'm not even sure if we're an item yet, we've only been friends for some weeks... Maybe I shouldn't have come. Maybe I should have brought Aine along-
Suddenly frustrated by his pathetic insecurities, Orion cleared his throat, fighting back his hesitance, and managed with as much confidence as he could muster, "Well, I made it."
He scratched his head awkwardly, and a sheepish little smile curved his lips as he looked up at James, his green eyes shining in the bright yellow light glowing down from the ceiling. 
"You... That was-" He swallowed, and shook his head. There were no words to describe it; all he could do was breathe the closest thing, and hope that it would suffice. 
"That- You were absolutely unbelievable."

[Batcat]

As James sat down to play, he could feel all eyes on him, and although he had performed for others hundreds of times, he knew that this was different. This was no petty recital, or even a larger show where college scouts would come to see him. This was the real deal, and if he could pull this off...
He swallowed and moved his hands over the keys, waiting for a moment to draw anticipation, and then slamming them down in a thunderous, dissonant chord.
The rest of the performance passed quickly. Somewhere in the middle, James didn't even look at the music, just improvised however he wanted. This would probably be very obvious to the more alert members of the audience, as he had stopped turning pages, and there was no way that much music could fit on one.  When the piece was finished, he stood and bowed, and the audience was on their feet, roaring and cheering for him. They had to be five times louder for him than his predecessor. His heart was soaring as he exited the stage and went back to him "dressing room." The Opera House had spared no expense when it came to making their auditioners feel comfortable in their quarters. Each man - and each of the three women that were auditioning - was given their own dressing room with a keyboard to prepare themselves beforehand, to make the audition seem as close to the real thing as possible. He even had his own name sign. "James Doran" it read in large, bronze letters.
He pushed open the door and walked in, feeling slightly dizzy as he seated himself. His head was spinning. What a rush! And the crowd, they had loved him, almost as much as he had loved sitting on that stage at the grand piano, playing as loudly as he had wanted. The instrument had such a fine tone, too, and there was no one to stop him from using it to its full potential. The entire experience had him close to tears, if he was being honest with himself.
He had not been sitting in the chair in front of his practice keyboard, trying to collect himself, before there was a knock on the door.
"Hold on-" He called, his voice cracking the tiniest bit, but obviously the person on the other side didn't hear him - or just didn't care.
"Hey."
James's mouth dropped open at the sight of Orion wheeling himself into the room, a huge smile plastered onto his face.
Then suddenly the smile was dropping by the tiniest amount, and Orion's eyes were becoming a little scared and confused - probably because of James's reaction. Doubt started creeping into his expression, and his voice had a mild tremor as he continued his sentence.
"You... That was- That- You were absolutely unbelievable."
"Thanks." James murmured, moving forward and bending over to fall into the man's outstretched arms. He let his own tighten around Orion in such a way that there was no doubt - James was happy. "It was unbelievable playing up there."
He chuckled a little bit, and pulled away. "I- I can't believe you're here. How'd you get out of the hospital?"

[Polo trapped in an inkpot]

"Thanks." James answered, and before Orion could respond, the other boy melted into his arms, answering his embrace with a tight squeeze. It hurt a little, but Orion found a smile leap readily to his lips as he reciprocated the squeeze, holding James's slender body close to his chest. Unless it was his imagination, the other man seemed to be shaking slightly. What a rush that must have been!
"It was unbelievable playing up there." James told him, chuckling slightly as he pulled away. "I- I can't believe you're here. How'd you get out of the hospital?"
"I wasn't going to miss this!" He pointed out indignantly, his usual confidence back in full force now that he was sure James was glad to have him there. Grinning, he stood up, flopping a hand heavily onto James's hair, and explained, "I busted out. Probably shouldn't have, and it looks like I'm kind of dating Aine now, but..." He winked, ruffling the man's thick blonde locks, "It was worth it. You were really something else out there."
He looked James over for a moment, then shook his head as a bark of excited laughter escaped his lips. Once again he pulled his friend into a rough hug, slapping him warmly on the back.
"You were awesome." He enthused, "God, I can't get over it! I was just sitting there thinking, 'Fuck, I actually know this guy'. I'm so proud of you."
At this point, he was so excited that he didn't even care about going overboard or not. James's performance had been one of the highlights of his entire life, and that was not something to be taken lightly. Orion couldn't even begin to imagine how James must have been feeling at that moment.
"Hey," He grabbed James's hand, flashing a dangerous grin, and darted to the door, his wheelchair forgotten in the center of the room. "Come with me."
He didn't say where; simply took James by the hand and led him out the door, then down the corridor. The place was deserted, with all eyes on the auditions, and Orion kept his grasp on James's hand as he jogged past several more rooms, then turned a corner into a corridor that ended in a pair of ornate double doors, fashioned from polished oak with a pair of huge stained glass windows. When he reached them, Orion pushed the doors open, leading James out into a beautiful courtyard, where a cobbled path stretched out towards a magnificent fountain, beyond which the perfectly mowed lawn stretched on through tall, elegant trees that towered over the land with the very same magnificence of the old building behind them. The flower beds were perfectly cultivated, and the night air was alive with the scent of roses and jasmine.
It was the Opera House gardens. A favourite haunt of Orion's, from the few times Mr. Chang had brought him to this place. Those he knew of it were few, and he knew that at this hour, they would not be disturbed.
Swinging around with the fountain at his back, Orion grasped James's face passionately between his hands, then stepped forward and kissed him without a thought.
Suddenly, the peaceful silence of the garden was broken as Orion's own racing heart drowned out the chirp of the night birds, and the soft trickle of water from the fountain. It was as if nothing existed beyond the ends of his fingertips; beyond the wonderful feeling of James's soft skin. The moment was so perfect, he didn't need to perceive anything else. He didn't want to.
Honestly, Orion wished things could have stayed this way forever.

[Batcat]

"I wasn't going to miss this! I busted out. Probably shouldn't have, and it looks like I'm kind of dating Aine now, but... It was worth it. You were really something else out there."
James blushed at the compliment, although he wasn't really sure why. Of course he was something else out there. He was fantastic. He had known as soon as he had finished that that had been the greatest performance of his career, and that it would be extremely difficult to ever top that again. He supposed that someone else recognizing the fact was what gave him shivers.
"Hey come with me."
"Wait, wha-" James began to say, but it was too late. Orion was already leaping out of his wheelchair and dragging James out of the room by his hand.
"Orion, stop, get back in your chair!" Nothing but the sound of their shoes beating against the tiled floor. James's suitcoat flapped out behind him as he ran. "I'll push you here!" He even offered after a moment, but still, his friend said nothing.
They only jogged for a short while before Orion pushed open a huge set of double doors, and the chill of the night air and the scent of lavender flowers hit him full in the face. Orion pulled James out into a huge courtyard, filled with every kind of exotic flower imaginable and a marble fountain in the middle, spewing water as a colored light made the liquid glow various unnatural shades. It looked like crystal.
He was so enchanted by the beauty of the scenery that he was taken completely by surprise as Orion turned around and grabbed his face and kissed him passionately full on the lips.
The feeling wasn't unpleasant, but he wasn't really able to fully appreciate it, and he wasn't exactly in the mood. That probably wasn't the best thing to tell his boyfriend - or any boyfriend in general - so when he pulled away, he quickly glanced around, realizing the new risk.
"Someone could see us." He murmured quietly, looking at all the windows.
He reached up his hand and patted the man on the head, as if this platonic gesture could neutralize that kiss to any onlookers.
He swallowed awkwardly, and then moved to sit on a bench by the fountain, patting the wood for Orion to join him when he sat. "This place is so pretty." He said.

[Polo trapped in an inkpot]

All too soon, James pulled away, and Orion blinked in surprise, taken aback by the abrupt ending to what he'd thought would be a kiss to remember. 
"Someone could see us." James protested, and Orion grunted in assent. He supposed that was true, but how else was he supposed to express himself? What futile, empty words could sum up what he'd felt while watching James play? Still... Maybe he had been too forward. Maybe this was not the time, or the place. Would there be a time and a place?
As if on cue with his thoughts, James reached over and patted him on the head, and Orion grunted faintly under his breath. Suddenly he felt more like James's pet than his boyfriend. That certainly knocked him down a peg or two, and when he thought of it again, he felt his cheeks flush at the memory of the kiss, suddenly embarrassed by his actions. He ought to have exercised more restraint. 
When James stepped away, Orion opened his mouth to apologise, but before he could say a word, the other man had taken a seat on a bench nearby, and patted the other side of it to gesture for him to do the same. 
For the first time, it occurred to him how sore and tired he was, and as his legs turned weak, he collapsed gratefully onto the bench. That would teach him to be so damn impulsive. 
Sitting back wearily, he almost didn't hear when James commented, "This place is so pretty."
"Hm." He agreed softly, "Whenever Chang dragged me here, this was where I'd end up hiding out. It's always quiet. Not many people know about it. And..." His jaw tightened slightly, "There's no security camera out here, so he can't spy on me."
This may have seemed like an excuse to instigate another kiss, but frankly, Orion's ego was shaken. He had recognized his rejection, and he would not be trying that again for a while. 
Still blushing slightly, he reached up awkwardly to rub the back of his head, then took to nudging a loose stone with his toe, rolling it back and forth as the sounds of crickets and running water became louder in the growing silence.
"So what are you going to do?" He asked at last, quietly, "About the job, I mean? You'll get it - those others didn't hold a candle to you, and Chang wouldn't have invited you if he didn't plan to give it to you; but still... I'm worried about his intentions in all this." Another kick sent the stone skimming away from his foot, and Orion lost his excuse to stare at the ground. He hesitated a moment, then glanced worriedly at James. 
"The last thing I want to do is rain on your parade," He said with an apologetic shrug, "But there may not be another chance to think this over later, and I just want to be sure you won't be setting yourself up for disappointment."

[Batcat]

James could see immediately in Orion's eyes that the other man was hurt by his rejection, and while he really didn't want to see the pain in his expression, he told himself that what he'd said was true - it was for the better if there was no public displays of affection between them. Because even if no one saw them now, if they got too comfortable sneaking a kiss when they thought no one was looking, it might happen in public on accident. Besides, there would always be time for antics in the dorm room - there they had no risk of intruders, except for maybe Aine, but she didn't really count.
"Hm. Whenever Chang dragged me here, this was where I'd end up hiding out. It's always quiet. Not many people know about it. And... There's no security camera out here, so he can't spy on me."
The last part was a nice reassurance, but James was more interested in the beginning. Why would Chang have any reason to drag Orion here? Maybe it was because the man had some good musical talent -although not the kind that belonged in an opera house - or maybe it was in the earlier days when Chang wanted to impress the young man right after adoption. Whatever the reason, he was thankful for that now. This was a very beautiful courtyard.
"So what are you going to do? About the job, I mean? You'll get it - those others didn't hold a candle to you, and Chang wouldn't have invited you if he didn't plan to give it to you; but still... I'm worried about his intentions in all this."
His intentions? Well, it seemed to James that they were obvious. There really was no way that Chang knew he and Orion were as close as they were, or even friends. They were strictly roommates to him - so that meant that the man wouldn't be using him against his adopted son... Right?
Even if that wasn't the case, Orion still would not be very pleased with James working for Chang. And there was the whole issue of time management. If he accepted the job, there would be hours of rehearsals every week, and four or five performances from Friday evening to Sunday evening. And in the summer, he would need to put more hours into it, and that would take away from his research time at the lab.
"The last thing I want to do is rain on your parade, but there may not be another chance to think this over later, and I just want to be sure you won't be setting yourself up for disappointment."
"Yeah..." James murmured and let his eyes slide shut. No matter how wonderful, how magnificent playing on that stage felt, he knew that his passion for science was more than it was for music. He just wished that there was a way to balance them out. But no, there wasn't. If this had been an audition for a monthly performance, that would be different. He would manage to perform a weekend every four or five weeks. But the current schedule was too rigorous. Handling his studies and this job all at the same time would have him broken down within the fortnight.
"You're right." He murmured, leaning back on the bench and rubbing his knuckles against his forehead wearily. "I don't have time for this. I shouldn't have even auditioned at all. This was folly." He opened his eyes and watched the clear water of the fountain spray up into the night, the hue changing from a deep purple to a soft rose. "Now that I know what I'm giving up..." He shook his head, and glanced at Orion sideways without turning his head. The man was pretty, he realized, although the idea seemed out of place among the thoughts of self-pity and anger, like a small, flickering candle held against a silent downpour.
He shook his head again and dropped his hand down to the bench, letting it fall on top of Orion's. His thumb traced small circles on the man's skin. "It's just so hard deciding which I want more. Performing music or becoming a doctor. I want both so badly and-" His voice cracked, so he stopped talking, trying to compose himself before beginning again. "I tried reaching a compromise, that I would just compose pieces and let others perform them, but now, seeing what it's like... I can't just forget that. It was incredible."
He looked at Orion, his eyes full of doubt and uncertainty, and for once in his life, James found he didn't know everything. He found himself looking to someone else for answers, and it scared him to death.

[Polo trapped in an inkpot]

"Yeah... You're right." James admitted quietly, "I don't have time for this. I shouldn't have even auditioned at all. This was folly."
Orion's eyes narrowed in sympathy. He longed to reach out and comfort the man, but instead he just held his silence, and listened attentively as James continued.
"Now that I know what I'm giving up..." Orion twitched in surprise when a soft hand fell over his, and he found he had to glance down to confirm what he'd felt. James's thumb traced lightly over his skin, and Orion wanted nothing more than to take that hand in his, and squeeze it to his chest. To let James know how much he cared. To assure him that he was not alone... Orion's hand twitched once, but he did not move to act on the urge. Frankly, he wasn't sure he was allowed. 
"It's just so hard deciding which I want more." James continued, freeing him from his thoughts, "Performing music or becoming a doctor. I want both so badly and-" James broke off, and Orion felt his jaw tighten with empathy when he heard the catch in his voice. "I tried reaching a compromise, that I would just compose pieces and let others perform them, but now, seeing what it's like... I can't just forget that. It was incredible."
Orion silently nodded his understanding, and when he looked up again, he found James staring at him. Really staring, as though he was supposed to somehow make everything alright. He shifted uncomfortably, unsettled by the thought, and dropped his gaze to the ground. When had he ever made anything better? Still... There was a first time for everything. For James, he had to at least try.

Taking a deep breath, Orion raised his head again to look at James, his voice regaining its usual confidence as he answered, "It was incredible. You were really something special up there, and even though this whole thing worries me, I don't think this is something you should throw away." He shook his head, "I can't see you walk away from something that made you look like you did when you stepped off the stage. So here's my compromise."
He turned a little to face James, and at last, his fingers closed hesitantly around his roommate's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. 
"You're good." He said softly, "Brilliant, really. The way I see it, you have Chang in the palm of your hand. It's about time that somebody pushed him around, so here's what I think you should do. Tell him exactly what you want. Say that he can have you one weekend a month - or whenever you have the time - or not at all. Make him sweat." Orion smirked slightly, and a faint twinkle entered his eyes as he added, "The best performers are always difficult. Just twist this whole thing to best suit your needs, and if he doesn't like it, tough. He's losing out." He narrowed his eyes, "And if there's one thing I know about Han Chang, it's that he hates losing."

[Batcat]

"It was incredible. You were really something special up there, and even though this whole thing worries me, I don't think this is something you should throw away."
James was relieved to hear Orion say that, to know that it really was as amazing to watch him perform as it had been for him to play. It was also nice to hear that Orion was setting aside his own personal problems with Chang and letting James do whatever the hell he wanted. It was nice to know he was being given a little bit of slack - although was it slack? Or was Orion just trying to guilt him into refusing the offer by passive-aggressively saying that it was okay?
"I can't see you walk away from something that made you look like you did when you stepped off the stage. So here's my compromise."
His compromise? What was that supposed to mean?
Orion's fingers tightened very hesitantly around his own, and his friend turned his head ever so slightly so that they were looking at each other. There was a small smile touching his lips.
"You're good. Brilliant, really. The way I see it, you have Chang in the palm of your hand. It's about time that somebody pushed him around, so here's what I think you should do. Tell him exactly what you want. Say that he can have you one weekend a month - or whenever you have the time - or not at all. Make him sweat. The best performers are always difficult. Just twist this whole thing to best suit your needs, and if he doesn't like it, tough. He's losing out. And if there's one thing I know about Han Chang, it's that he hates losing."
James paid only a little bit of attention to the fact that Orion knew exactly how often he wanted to be able to play at the Opera House. Well technically, he supposed he wanted to play there every waking moment of his life, but he supposed that realistically he wanted to play once a month, and somehow his roommate knew that.
But another part of him was slightly taken aback by the wicked glow in Orion's light green eyes and the fevilish smirk playing on his lips. Almost as if... he wanted James to get back at Chang.
Of course he wants me to get back at Chang, James thought to himself, his tone full of ridicule. The man has made his life a living hell. And as his friend - or whatever I am - I should be glad to do this for him.
However, he really did want this opportunity. It wasn't like he wanted to plan shenanigans to embarrass Chang at every performance or anything. No, he wanted to perform.
He sighed, and told himself that he was overreacting. You'll be able to play and help Orion both. Just don't let Chang push you around, and that will be all Orion needs. To see Chang pushed around for a change. And maybe one of the terms of your job could be something to make life a little easier for Orion...
That was something interesting to consider, but that was not to bring up in discussion now. Again, Chang didn't know about them, and that would be better kept a secret.
"That's a good idea..." James murmured, realizing he hadn't exactly answered. He let his own grip tighten around Orion's hand reassuringly. "That's actually a perfect idea. I wasn't sure if Chang - or the entire staff, really - would let me do that, but you're right. It's my terms or nothing. They can take it or leave it - and I'm sure they'll take it. I was amazing, and they're not that dumb to let me go like that."
A small chuckle escaped his lips, and James felt an overwhelming sense of relief blossom through his chest. His mouth spread upward into a grin, and he leaned forward, embracing the other man into a tight hug. "Thank you." He whispered, his lips dangerously close to Orion's ear lobe. "That makes me feel so much better. They'll do this, I know it. I just can't believe I didn't think of it myself." He laughed again, and his breath caused a few wisps of Orion's black hair to rustle slightly.

[Polo trapped in an inkpot]

James was silent a long time, but that was okay. Orion sat back, staring at the dazzling, lit-up fountain, and simply waited for his friend to process his advice. Then, at last, James spoke up. 
"That's a good idea..." He said, and Orion glanced back at him when he felt the grip on his hand tighten slightly, "That's actually a perfect idea. I wasn't sure if Chang - or the entire staff, really - would let me do that, but you're right. It's my terms or nothing. They can take it or leave it - and I'm sure they'll take it. I was amazing, and they're not that dumb to let me go like that."
Slowly, Orion's lips began to curve into a smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners just a little. "True that." He murmured proudly, searching James's handsome face. It was good to see him looking so confident. This was what he deserved; never anxiety and insecurity. He was far too important for that... Perhaps one day, Orion could make him see that. He hoped so, anyway. 

He heard James chuckle, and with a wide grin he leaned suddenly forwards, catching Orion completely off-guard with his hug. He grunted in surprise, tensing slightly as his friend's arms wrapped tightly around him, while his own hovered uncertainly around James's sides. His muscles tensed as James squeezed him, reacting automatically to the little voice in his head that reminded him how James had reacted to his kiss, and exactly how that had felt. For a moment he almost let these vindictive thoughts make him push James away, but then he released a deep breath, and managed at last to drop the tension from his shoulders. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around James, bowing his head to rest his chin on the boy's shoulder. 
 "Thank you." His sweet voice whispered, making Orion shiver with its closeness, "That makes me feel so much better. They'll do this, I know it. I just can't believe I didn't think of it myself."
When James laughed, his warm breath tickled Orion's hair, and he felt a thrill shoot through him, tingling in his extremities. With a shudder, he shrugged his arms free and pulled gently away from James, hoping the moonlight would hide the colour in his cheeks. He cleared his throat awkwardly, then answered, "Yeah. You're welcome."
The silence stretched between them, and Orion found himself scratching his head like he always did when he was uncomfortable, carefully avoiding James's gaze. He was regretting ending that hug now, and knew that he probably shouldn't have, but it had scared him how much he craved that closeness. It had seemed easier to withdraw instead. In truth, perhaps that tiny hint of rejection before had hit him harder than he'd first thought. He felt pathetic even considering it, but for a man who'd never felt anything but unwanted, the feelings that he pretended not to have could be easily hurt; even if he didn't realize it himself. 
So now if you're quite done throwing a pity party, maybe you should reassure James before he feels the same. He reminded himself harshly, casting his moody thoughts aside. 
"Come here." He murmured softly, reaching over to cup James's cheeks in his hands. "Sorry." He didn't say what for. Chances were James was nowhere near as pathetically sensitive as him and hadn't even noticed, but he felt he had to say it anyway. Sighing softly, he dropped his hands from James's face, leaving one on his shoulder, and raising the other to check his watch. "It's late." He admitted reluctantly, "I had better get back, or I'll get Honey in trouble." 
With an apologetic smile, he gave James's shoulder one brief pat, then braced his hands against the bench and pushed himself to his feet. The moment he stood, he felt a rush of dizziness, and had to grab the top of the bench to keep balanced. The morphine had worn off quite some time ago, and suddenly he realized that the stitched up wound on his stomach was really quite sore. In fact, he felt faintly ill as tiny purple dots swam before his vision, dazzling him for just a moment until the headrush wore off. Then he released the bench, shoved his hands into his pockets, and cast a smile at James. 
"Come on." He said, "Walk me back then, Mr. Doran."

[Batcat]

When Orion pulled away, James thought that he seemed a little upset. After all, he had pulled away pretty quickly, and only said a simple, "Yeah. You're welcome."
James frowned, concern lining his face, brow creasing slightly. Orion moved a hand up to scratch his head, a habit he exhibited whenever he was in an uncomfortable situation and didn't know what to do.
Oh, well, James thought. He probably is feeling bad because I wouldn't kiss him back. But he should have known better.
"Come here. Sorry."
There was a moment where Orion was cupping James's face in his hands, eyes boring into James's. They flickered left and right, focusing on each eye one at a time, which James always found discomfiting, when anyone stared at him.
"It's late. I had better get back, or I'll get Honey in trouble."
Who was Honey? Maybe that was some sort of pet name that Orion had given him. He felt a mixture of happiness and weirdness with that. Happiness, because he was wanted. Weirdness, because he still hadn't completely come to terms with being, well, gay.
He wasn't given much time to think, though, as Orion stood up, and immediately doubled over a bit, clutching the edge of the bench with hands locked in a knuckle-white grip. After a moment had passed, the man was able to wipe the grimace of pain off his face and force a smile.
"Come on. Walk me back then, Mr. Doran."
James gave a disappointed "hmph". "I can't believe you didn't bring your wheelchair out. I never should have let you run here."
But nevertheless, he let his hand gently rest under Orion's elbow, because there was nothing else he could do. The walk back seemed longer than the run to the courtyard, a lot longer. He almost steered the two in the wrong direction a few times, but Orion managed to keep him straight. ((hahahahaha))
When they got back to James's practice room. Aine and Cory were waiting outside. The two girls immediately began squealing when they saw the blonde.
"You were so good!" Aine crooned, rushing over and flinging her arms around him. She looked very different in that sparkling red dress, James noticed. Amazing, but different. He could tell that it was supposed to be a lot sexier, but she just didn't really have the figure to pull it off.
Cory, on the other hand, looked outstanding. When Aine pulled away, she moved over to Orion, berating him for getting out of his wheelchair, and oushing him back over to it. Cory took advantage of the opening and glided towards James, a smile playing on her lips.
"You were amazing." She said, as she stepped forward and leaned into him, her arms wrapping around his waist. He reciprocated, and let his own arms circle over her back. She seemed so small in his grip. There was a distinct feel of breasts pressing up against his abdomen. "I've never seen anything like it - probably because this was my first piano recital I've ever been to - but I assume I never will see anything like that again."
James chuckled as she pulled away. Immediately, the chill hit his torso where she had been. "You might. I'll let you know when I'm performing here again. I've probably got some tickets I can sell to you discounted." What might have been a flirtation was just an awkward stumbling of words that he couldn't get the right tone on, but Cory took it all in stride, not missing a beat as she countered.
"That would be wonderful. You know, I'll bet I could write an article on you for the newspaper..." She pulled a pensive face for a moment, letting her finger tap suggestively on her lips. James did not miss the gesture. "I've got it!" She snapped her hands and strode away a few feet, and then suddenly spun around, a devilish smirk on her face.
"'Brilliant new superstar rocks the Opera House at audition!'" She called out, as if reading the front page headline of a huge newspaper. "'Youngest performer to ever be hired!'"
James rolled his eyes and tried to keep down the blush threatening to color his cheeks, to little avail. "Perfect." He murmured. "We could get a university night for all the music students to come down and watch me."
Only after he said that did he realize how self-centered and conceited it sounded, so he really did blush then, and turned away from Cory, hoping to conceal his embarrassment. Aine had finally managed to shove Orion back into his chair, and was trying to keep him down in it.
"Do you need any help getting back to the hospital?" He asked, mostly to Orion, but Aine answered for him.
"No, I've got the cab all covered. It's waiting outside. You can walk us out if you want, though."
"Sure." James said, a smile blooming on his face. "Orion, can you wheel yourself? Because in my sorry condition, I really doubt that I'd be able to push you." He lifted up his skinny arm as proof of his lack of physique.

[Polo trapped in an inkpot]

Orion shrugged off James's scolding with an innocent smile, and then the two made their way back to the room; rather slowly, since Orion was still feeling a little beat up. Even if it was just to support him, he enjoyed the feeling of James's hand resting over him, and when they arrived to a gushing greeting from Aine and Cory, he was sad to let it go. He waited, smiling slightly, while Aine bounced around congratulating James, then he allowed himself to be ushered to his wheelchair and pushed down into it. He didn't put up too much of a fight; by this point, he was totally exhausted.

James and Cory spent quite some time chatting after that, but Orion was too tired to really pay attention. He yawned, and then at last, somebody mentioned going back. He shocked himself when he realized that he was actually relieved. Was he that weary?
James asked if they needed any help getting back to the hospital, but before he could answer, Aine cut in that she had the cab covered, but that James could walk them out. 
"Sure." He answered, and Orion felt his expression soften at the sight of the man's radiant smile, "Orion, can you wheel yourself? Because in my sorry condition, I really doubt that I'd be able to push you."
James lifted one slender arm, and Orion chuckled amiably at him. "Yeah," He mimicked the gesture, eyes twinkling, "I think I got it covered."
He shot Aine a quick wink - because it seemed inappropriate to be so flirty with James - then stretched out his arms and gave the wheels a quick spin, sending his chair rolling out the door. "Come on then, you lot. Keep up."

***

Orion was in the hospital for another two weeks after the Opera House expedition, during which time he did not rest in assuring Nurse Honey that he felt absolutely fine - even when it wasn't completely true - and that he desperately wanted to get out to see his girlfriend in time for her birthday (which he made up, of course). He knew that he was supposed to stay a month longer, because they wanted to monitor him for infection or stomach acid eroding his intestines or whatever other medical mumbo jumbo they had mentioned - he'd not really been listening at the time - but at this point, his stitches had come out and the wound was closed, even if the skin hadn't completely healed. As far as he was concerned, that meant he was all better. 
At last, between his pleas and Nurse Honey's support, they finally managed to convince his medical doctor to discharge him two weeks early, provided he promised to check back immediately if he began to feel in any way poorly. 
This was how he ended up heading back to the university two weeks earlier than he was supposed to, excited to surprise James, who he had not seen as much as he'd have liked recently. 

His bike had been living in the hospital parking lot for as long as he had been there, so as soon as he escaped through those dreary glass doors, Orion jogged over to it with a grin, fondly patting the shining black metal. "Come on baby." He said, chattering cheerfully to the bike, "Let's go see if James is happy to see us, huh?" He hoisted the bag with his possessions - basically just a notebook, cellphone and a few clothes - over his shoulder, then fastened on his helmet, and swung his leg over the dark leather seat of the bike. The eager roar of the engine gave him a thrill as he turned the key, and within moments he was back where he belonged, cruising down the road on his steel steed, cutting recklessly through traffic and drawing loud honks and angry shaking fists everywhere he sped. With a mute laugh into his visor, Orion just twisted the accelerator, and sped on faster. His heart was racing with the sheer exhilaration of feeling the fresh air again, and his eagerness to see James was only growing. He'd felt that things were perhaps a little strained between them since he had been stuck in the hospital, and although nothing had happened exactly, he was still keen to make amends - or at least improvements - to their relationship. He wasn't exactly sure if James was his friend or his boyfriend or something in between, but he did know that he cared deeply for James, perhaps more than he should have after such a short time together. It was a frightening thought, and he felt a little silly for it, but he just couldn't help himself. He'd had a soft spot for James ever since he'd first met him, thinking of Luke, and now the man was basically his only friend - his only guy friend, anyway - and certainly the only person he'd been romantically interested in since Luke's death. It was all just... Big. James was a big part of his life, and although he didn't want to use the word love, he had a notion that his feelings would eventually head that way. 
He blew a breath through his lips and shook his head, chuckling softly to himself as he turned into the university parking lot. All of this was damn frightening, but for the first time in years, it gave him something to feel excited about, and that feeling he relished. 
His lips cracked a smile at the thought - they'd not done that before he met James either - and he buckled his helmet onto the handlebars of his bike, then shoved his keys into his pocket and jogged through the doors into the university, heading toward his dorm. 
He couldn't wait to see James. Had his friend missed him? Would he be excited to see him home early? Either way, he was about to find out.

[Batcat]

For the next two weeks, James was in and out of the hospital as much as he could in between his classes and other obligations, but it was tough, and he often had to go two or three days without seeing his friend. He had taken the job at the Opera House and the owners had begrudgingly agreed to his terms of employment. Chang himself had seemed a bit angry knowing that James hadn’t been as interested as he had seemed, but that was fine with James. He was sure Orion would be happy that he had succeeded in disgruntling Chang.
The sheet music had been mailed to him a few days later, and his free time that he didn’t spend at Orion’s bedside, he spent in his room, on his keyboard, practicing. Even his studies went neglected, as was evident on his latest chemistry test on which he received a meager eighty eight percent. But at this moment in time, his music was more important. He did not want to make a botch of his first performance, and the music was difficult, and there would be no room for improvisation.
That was how Cory found him two weeks after the audition – his chemistry textbook open on his desk, and James seated on his own bed, keyboard balanced on his lap, legs swinging precariously over the side of the mattress. The music lay scattered in a seemingly unorganized semicircle around him, but James was playing it masterfully.
“You sound incredible.” Cory said as she walked in the room. She was wearing a brown V-neck tee with the logo of some indie band that he had never heard of and a pair of high-waisted jean shorts. Her short auburn hair was spiked in an artfully messy way that looked perfectly natural.
James’s face lit up in a bright smile. “Thanks!” He said, and played a few chords before pushing the instrument off his lap and moving to get down from the bed.
“No, don’t get up for me.” Cory said, waving her hand and moving over to the desk. She sat down in the chair and spun around for a moment as James reluctantly settled back into his previous position, unsure of what to do. The girl glanced at the textbook and pulled a face. “I hated chemistry.” She muttered. “So glad I’m not on the science path. Gender studies for me, definitely. Much better.” She chuckled and turned to face James. “Go on, play more.”
“Okay.” He said with a small laugh, wondering in the back of his mind what she was doing here – definitely not to hear him play, as she had said many times before that she was not a huge aficionado of classical music. “Although I’ll listen to you play anytime.” She had said that too.
With a sigh, he cracked his knuckles pompously and set to playing the piece from the top. He stumbled over a few notes in the tough sections, but Cory didn’t really seem to notice. She just sat there, eyes closed, lips slightly parted, and swaying back and forth ever so slightly. When he was done hammering out chords, she opened her eyes and blinked a few times before a huge smile blossomed on her face.
“Like I said, you are absolutely incredible.” She said, jumping up excitedly from her chair and pacing forward. “You just play so…” Her hands groped the air suggestively as she looked for the right word. “Passionately. Vibrantly. You just put, like, your entire being into it, you know?” She looked at him, hoping that he’d understand. “I wish I could do that. I can’t even play the piano at all though.”
“I can teach you.” James offered without even thinking. Usually he tried to stay away from doing lessons, because people couldn’t figure out how to play fast enough for him. The problem was that no one was as good, and he got impatient when they sucked in comparison to him.
But it was too late to take back his words, and Cory’s face was already lighting up. “Really? You’d do that?”
“Sure.” At Cory’s enthusiasm, he couldn’t help but feel inclined to do whatever she was asking though, so he patted the mattress in an invitation for her to join him.
The redhead climbed up the ladder, and James cleared a space for her to sit among the sheets of music.
“Actually, I don’t really want to learn how to play.” She told him as he slid the keyboard over so it was balanced on both of their laps. James was acutely aware of her leg pressing against his and the constant brushing of their shoulders. “I just want to learn music theory. I wanted to take some classes here, but they wouldn’t let me because my major didn’t allow for them…” She trailed off sadly as James went wild in his mind. Cory wanted to learn music theory? That was perfect. This girl was incredible. Anyone who enjoyed – or wanted to enjoy – music theory was automatically someone that he liked, and he already liked Cory before that, so that was just bonus points in their relationship and-
Relationship?
Before he could expand on the thought, Cory had reached over and was running a hand along the keys of the instrument, almost longingly. After a moment of hesitation, her finger dipped down and pressed the A key. The note was soft, but strong. A small smile touched her lips and she pressed the next key, continuing up the scale and back down. She missed the three sharps of the scale, but James didn’t really mind. He was having a field day just watching her have a good time playing.
“Was that good?” She asked after pulling her hands back to rest on her lap. “It didn’t sound right…”
“Almost.” James answered. “You’ve got a good ear, at least, if you could tell that wasn’t right. Here, like this.” He dropped his right hand down to the keyboard and played the scale, fingers dancing over black and white keys as he made sure to emphasize the three sharps. Cory made a face of intense concentration, and tried to copy him and octave higher, but missed G sharp.
James chuckled and took her hand and guided it over the correct notes. “Like this…” He murmured as he touched her fingers to the keys, but she wasn’t looking at the piano. When the blonde turned his head, Cory was looking straight at him, green eyes that were so unlike Orion’s staring straight at him. They were a cat-like green, with flecks of gold sprinkled about. A few freckles dotted the bridge of her nose, but James figured that they would disappear in the winter and come out more in the summer. Then suddenly the face magnified, and he felt a warm softness pressing against his lips, so unlike the kisses he had received before. The blonde from his party had been hungry. Orion had been needy. Cory felt distinctly feminine and soft, and the way that her hands reached up to wrap behind his neck was so unlike anything he had experienced before. There was just the faintest hint of nail scraping against his skin, causing him to shiver and let his own hands tangle in Cory’s hair.
After a moment, James broke away, gasping for air. He could hear Cory chuckle. “Amateur.” She murmured. The man rolled his eyes and pulled the keyboard away from her, pushing it off of both their laps and dropping down off the side of the bed to place it on the ground.
When he climbed back up, he eagerly embraced Cory once again, only thinking then about how much he wanted her. She seemed happy enough to comply, and eventually pulled herself forward to sit on his lap, not caring about the music that they were crushing beneath them.

[Polo trapped in an inkpot]

Thumbs hooked into his pockets, Orion jogged up the stairs, then down the familiar grey corridor - which did not seem quite so grey now in comparison to the hospital - to stop outside his room. He shrugged his bag higher over his shoulder, then smiled and knocked briefly on the door. Without waiting for a reply, he pushed it open. And then he rather wished he hadn't. 

The first and only thing he saw when he walked in was James, sitting on his bed, with a girl's tongue halfway down his throat. The shock hit him with the force of a moving train, and suddenly, time seemed to freeze. It always did that, at the worst moments in his life. It stopped, so he could immortalize them, commit them to memory, relive them over and over again. And he knew that that moment - when he saw James's face alive with passion, lips pressed to Cory's and hands running hungrily over her - would never end for him. His chest constricted from hurt as the numb bewilderment that froze him began to thaw. Then time continued, and the pair turned to look at him. He staggered back a step, clumsy in the nightmarish quality that the world around him had taken on, and tried not to feel the tightness in his throat. He just told himself, over and over, with frantic desperation, that he could not appear upset. That showing how he felt at that moment could ruin everything... Everything? He asked himself despairingly, What's left to ruin?
Unfortunately, though he was loath to listen to it, his logical side had an answer. 
James. Your reputation. You need to protect both.
So, instead of reacting in any of the ways that made any sense to him at all, Orion cleared his throat awkwardly, and said with a tone as close to amused as he could muster, "Sorry, I didn't realize I was interrupting."
He stepped back again, rubbing his head, and trying desperately to get a grip on himself. 
"I-I guess I'll come back later..."
No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't quite keep the ice from his tone, and when he turned around, he let the door slam behind him. Then, slowly, his tense shoulders dropped, and his eyes rolled towards the ceiling, already burning with the threat of tears. He saw them again in his mind's eye, kissing so passionately, and he felt as though he'd been punched in the heart. Without even stopping to think, he tossed up his hood and strode purposefully back down the corridor, throwing open the doors to the parking lot, and heading straight to his bike. His fists were clenched hard enough for his fingernails to break the skin, and his jaw was even tighter. His body felt numb, and he felt his own blood throbbing hotly through him as he reached for his helmet, fumbling clumsily with the clasp. His fingers were shaking, and he couldn't see through the growing blurriness in his eyes. 
Don't you dare cry, you f*cking wimp! He told himself, cursing under his breath and finally forcing open the clasp, then flipping back his hood and shoving the helmet into his head. 
I should have expected this. Should have seen it coming. I always knew he wasn't as into this - as into us - as I am. As I was. A rough sob slipped past his lips, and he shook his head, growling in frustration. He was not so soft that another person could break him this easily!
Still... He swung his leg over the bike, thrust the key into the ignition, and turned it. Why does it have to hurt so much? Why do I have to feel like this?
He shook away his thoughts, then swallowed past the lump in his throat. He just had to get away. Far, far away from everything, before he lost his composure entirely. 
Why, James...? Why?

[Batcat]

There was the sound of a fist falling on the door, but it seemed so distant that James didn't really pay attention. In fact, he was having a hard time focusing on anything other than Cory's lips on his own - he had to remember consciously to breathe, and he was sure that his hands were moving in a very awkward way over her back, but she was very nice about it and didn't say anything. Meanwhile, her fingernails were digging gently into the fabric of his shirt, and one hand slid over him to rest gently on his cheek. He mimicked her motion, and traced his thumb in small circles over her cheekbone.
But then the door opened, and there was an audible gasp, one that ran deep with betrayal. The emotion was the only thing that made him pull away from Cory, and when he saw Orion standing in the doorway, he felt certain that his heart was going to stop beating and shatter right there. He felt Cory turn around on his lap to see what was making James's mouth gape like it was, and there was a profound expression of confusion on her face as the man staggered backwards and into the hallway, looking as if he had just been stabbed.
"Sorry, I didn't realize I was interrupting. I-I guess I'll come back later..."
With that, he stumbled out of the room, hands groping blindly along the wall for support to stand. He had tried to be funny, to be as calm and relaxed as any man could be when he walked in on his roommate snogging a pretty lady, but James could see the hurt and the pain.
How could I do this to him? After everything he's been through?
"Shit." James murmured, and nearly threw Cory off of his lap in an attempt to get down from the bed. He tripped halfway down the ladder and nearly faceplanted onto his keyboard - which would have broken it - but managed to regain his balance at the last second. He sprinted out the door and through the lounge, but Orion was already gone. As he stood in the parking lot, he could see the faint silhouette of the man speeding away on his bike. A few of the kids looked at him with a weird glance, so he muttered something about Orion taking money from him to cover it up.
As he walked back to the room, James scratched the back of his neck and wondered how he had screwed up so badly. He knew that Orion was sensitive when it came to relationships - he had promised himself that he would never do anything to hurt the man!
But how was he supposed to know that his roommate would be back? If his memory served him correctly, Orion still had another week or so in the hospital. There was no way he was expected to know that Orion would be back so soon - and why was he back so soon? Besides, Cory had come onto him, and everything had happened so quickly that he hadn't really had time to react and-
His thoughts were a mess when he returned to his dorm. Cory had gotten down from the bed and fixed her clothes up, and was currently running her hands through her hair, artfully arranging it in lazy spikes once again. She glanced up when he entered, her eyes meeting his briefly, and then dropped back to the floor.
"Sorry about that." James murmured, stopping in the doorway and running his hands through his own hair. "Orion's just really sensitive. I don't know what set him off - actually I do, it was us - but I needed to go make sure he was okay."
"Is he?" Her voice was quiet. Her arms dropped to her sides, and she finally looked at him again. Her clothes were perfect, contrasting so much with his rumpled formal attire. Somehow she looked better than he did, despite her outfit being something that the average teen would wear.
James shrugged. "He's gone. Went off on his bike."
"Oh."
They were quiet for a few more minutes, and then Cory walked over to him, passing by him to exit the room.
"I have an article for the paper to write. The one about your audition, actually." Her eyes flickered up at his with a curious expression. "I'll see you later?" Her voice rose at the end, phrasing it as a question. How terribly polite of her.
And how rude. Of course I want a repeat of this, but I can't just consciously do it, because Orion and-
"Yeah, I'll see you later." Cory's lips turned up at the corners into a small smile, and James found himself mimicking the reaction. She leaned up on her tip-toes and kissed him again, a sweet reminder of what had gone on just minute before. His skin tingled long after she had left and he had shut the door.
By himself, with no one to distract him, James found himself a victim to angry thoughts swirling about. How could he have hurt Orion? Why did Cory have to throw herself over him like that? Why did he have to care about Orion in the first place? It would be so much easier if the man could just accept that James's attraction to Cory was purely physical - that he had been starving for kisses and affection and had finally found a sort of release - but he knew that he was lying to himself. He liked Cory, he knew it.
And that presented an even bigger dilemma.
Aren't I gay?
Obviously not.
He sighed and climbed back onto his bed, and even though it was only four in the afternoon, he buried his head under his pillows and tried to go to sleep. After a while of lying there, he realized that he would never be able to silence the storm in his mind on his own, so he got up and found a bottle of sleeping pills in his bag. He unscrewed the lid and popped three into his palm, and then swallowed them dry.
He climbed back into bed, managing to take off his polo and khakis and fold them nicely at the edge of his mattress so that they wouldn't wrinkle further, before falling asleep.

[Polo trapped in an inkpot]

Orion sped out of the parking lot just as James entered it, so he didn't see the other man running after him. And the thought that he didn't was enough to wreck him. Was he still sitting in his room, kissing Cory despite the interruption? Did I mean that little to him?
"F*cking idiot." He muttered to himself under his breath, blinking quickly to clear his vision as the traffic around him began to blur. He accelerated, pressing the bike on faster, but for once the speed could not ease his worries, and before he knew it, he was sobbing. He hated himself, hated himself desperately for being so weak, so pathetic, but there was nothing he could do. It hurt... Not just the fact that James had kissed Cory - although that in itself was a blow - but the way he had looked while doing it. Orion had never seen James look that way with him, and the humiliation of knowing that their relationship had been completely one-sided was perhaps the hardest part of all. It had been so hard for him to learn to love again after Luke, but he had tried, not just for himself, but for James; because he had thought that was what the man wanted. It was hard for him to trust, hard for him to be vulnerable, and after he'd finally worked up the courage-
Beeeeeep!
A loud hooted rang out beside and Orion gasped as he realized he was changing lanes right into the path of a speeding truck. His eyes - still streaming with tears - widened in fright, and he swung the handlebars sideways to get out of the way. The bike whined as it darted far across the road in the opposite direction, and Orion panicked when he felt himself losing control. He over-corrected, and suddenly the bike's front wheel lost grip on the road, spinning out from under him. He swore, then curled into a ball and covered his head with his arms as he felt himself thrown clear of the vehicle, flying through the air, then hitting the ground. He rolled once, twice, three times - then finally came to a half after the forth. The traffic had stopped around him, and as Orion fought to catch his breath through the shock, he heard car doors slamming, and concerned voices of strangers rising around him. He gritted his jaw. He didn't want anything to do with people right now!
Winded and bruised, he slowly began to move, pushing himself up on his arms, then shifting into a kneeling position. At last he managed to catch his breath, and he breathed in experimentally. He was sore; no doubt badly bruised and scraped, but it seemed to him that he had managed to escape any broken bones. 
"Hey kid, you okay?" A voice asked beside him, standing out slightly from the white noise of the others. A hand reached out to him, but he pushed it away. "Fine," He muttered, slowly managing to lift himself to his feet. He winced as he brushed the tiny stones from his skinned hands, then limped slowly over to his bike, which a couple of onlookers had lifted up for him. It was dented and badly scraped, but it seemed as close to okay as he was. He grudgingly thanked his helpers, then wheeled the bike to the side of the road, and leaned against it as he struggled to get his thoughts in order. Slowly, the slow of traffic resumed as usual. 
That's how it is, isn't it? He thought bitterly to himself, Life always goes on, no matter how badly I'm hurting. I'm so f*cking sick of it.
He closed his eyes, and pulled off his helmet to wipe the teary residue from his face. Then he shoved it back on, and carefully remounted his bike. He breathed a sigh of relief when he turned the key, and the engine crackled into life. 
"At least you've got my back." He muttered, briefly patting the warm black metal. 
Then, sore and careful, he eased the bike back onto the road, and drove slowly on.

He didn't even know where he had planned to go. He always just drove, and usually when he was upset, his mind took him automatically to the shooting range. Now, he ended up somewhere different. When he pulled up in the parking lot, the salty tang in the air assaulted his nostrils, and his heart squeezed with emotion as he pulled off his helmet to look upon the sea. Without so much as a second thought, he left his bike, and began trudging slowly through he thick sand toward that distant cliff, his left leg aching with every step. 
The climb - even though he took the path up this time - was slow going, and by the time he reached the top, Orion's skin was crying as heavily as his eyes. He scrubbed a sleeve over his face, unsure if it was sweat or tears he was wiping. He really didn't even feel all that upset any more, but it was as if his eyes had contracted a leak. Like they'd been holding in too many tears for far too long, and now the dam wall had finally broken, and they had to cry themselves dry. In his heart, where he had felt nothing but turmoil before, he now felt an odd, detached sense of calm. He seemed to have taken up a pattern; leaping randomly from being completely distraught, to uncomfortably numb. 
Taking a deep breath in an attempt to fill his lungs, he leaned forward, then placed a gentle hand over the top of Luke's cross. His brow furrowed in grief. 
"Why aren't you here?" He whispered quietly to the empty wind, "Why did you have to go? You were the only one who ever cared for me. I need you, dammit!" A rough sob escaped his throat, and he fell to his knees beside the cross, burying his face in his hands to cry out his despair. "How could you leave me," He sobbed, "All alone in a world with nothing but hate? Don't I deserve even a little spark of happiness? Just one darn thing, was that too much to ask? I loved him. God, I lo-" His voice broke, and he slammed a fist hard into the soil as emotion contorted his face, leaving him shaking with sobs. "I loved him, dammit... Was it that unreasonable to hope that he could love me t- Heh." He snorted in amusement under his breath, "Who am I kidding? Of course it was."
His jaw clenched, a muscle in his neck twitching as he struggled to get a grip on his emotions. He just couldn't take it! There was a physical ache in his heart, so agonizing that he couldn't even feel the scrapes and bruises all over his body. It was as if James had stabbed his very soul, and he could honestly say that it hurt far worse than the blade of any real knife. He didn't understand why anybody should have to feel so much pain... Without Luke, without James, what was left for him?
Slowly, he raised his head, staring past the cross to the edge of the cliff. His mouth turned dry, and he swallowed anxiously, then got to his feet. 
His palms turned clammy as he walked slowly toward the edge, staring down at the jagged rocks below. The rocks that had taken Luke's life. 

He had nearly done it back then, he remembered. Jumped. But then he had reminded himself that it would be pointless. That death would not reunite him with Luke, which had been all that he cared about back then. Slowly, he turned his head skywards, watching the clouds swirl above him as the sea breeze tousled his hair. Luke had believed in God. For a while, Orion felt that he had, too... But God had died for him when Luke had. Now, he didn't understand how anybody could believe. It was such a ludicrous idea... That anybody could be watching over him. That anybody with that kind of power could care about him, when his life was such a nightmare.
He looked down again, swallowed, and licked his lips. He could never be reunited with Luke, but he could escape the pain.
"What do I have to live for?" He whispered hopelessly to himself, "Thanks to Mr. Chang, I have no future. Without James, I have no friends. All I have is this damn pain!" He clutched at his head, teeth gritting as his entire face contorted once more with grief, "I'm so tired of fighting... So tired of holding on..."

This is pathetic. The logical voice in his head told him calmly, You're going to kill yourself because your crush kissed a girl? Grow up, moron.
But Orion just shook his head. It wasn't the kiss, and he knew it. It was the pain, the loneliness, the emptiness... It was everything. James had seemed like that one hope he'd been holding out for. That wonderful thing that he had always waited, pushing through the pain, to find. His love for James had meant so much more to him than just having a boyfriend. It had been proof that there was still good in the world. It had been his hope, his light, to finally guide him through the darkness that had trapped him for so long. Now it was gone, and he was so lost, so scared, trapped alone in the darkness... The world felt empty, and as he stared down at the crushing waves beneath him, he couldn't help imagining what it would feel like to fall into their cold embrace. What would happen when he died? Would it hurt? Would his consciousness remain somehow trapped in time, or would it be snuffed out completely? Would he ever perceive the living world again? He hoped not. 
"What do I have to live for...?" He repeated softly to himself, lifting a foot. He kicked a stone over the edge, and watched it fall, until the sea engulfed it. It would be that easy. One step, and everything, all the pain-
"And if you see me losing ground, don't be afraid to lie-"
Orion jumped when his phone suddenly started ringing, then panicked when he nearly lost his balance, and stumbled quickly back from the edge, scrabbling with shaking fingers for his pocket while the song continued to play. 
"I know the pain inside my heart can't break the fear inside of yours
And if you see me losing faith
In what it means to die
Don't let me leave before I know what lies-"
"Hello?" He gasped shakily, finally managing to lift the phone to his ear.
"Oero, are you okay?" It was Steph. "I just found out that you were in hospital! I went to visit you, but you weren't there and-"
"I'm fine, Steph. They discharged me early." His voice trembled slightly, and he kicked himself mentally, clenching his jaw.
"You don't sound fine." Steph said suspiciously, "What's the matter little brother? Do I have to come over and give you a wrestler hug?"
"No, it's okay." It took all that Orion had to muster the tiny laugh. "Really, Steph, I'm fine. Just tired."
"Oreo, if you're lying to me, I will personally dunk your head in milk until you talk."
"You're too tall to be Lord Farkward." 
"And yet you're perfectly short enough to be the gingerbread man."
"Oh, shut up!" He groaned, rolling his eyes. He could practically hear the smirk in her voice. "Honestly Steph, I'm okay. But thanks."
Apparently Steph had heard his voice gain a little strength, because she sounded satisfied when she said, "Okay. But you know that if there's ever anything up, you can just call me, right?"
"I know."
"I mean that, Orion. I'm here for you, any time you need me."

"Thanks Steph." He whispered, swallowing past the lump in his throat. 
"I love you. Just remember that, okay little brother? I know old Changy isn't much of a Dad, but you're not alone. Big sister will look after you." She made noisy smooching sounds at him, and Orion graced her with a faint chuckle. "Okay Steph, I'm hanging up now."
"I LOVE YO-" She shouted, but Orion winced at the sound in his ear, and hung up the phone, smiling slightly at it for a moment. Then he lifted his head, and looked back out over the sea. 


"F*ck this." He clenched his jaw, then picked up a stone, and flung it with all his strength. "You can't break me!" He shouted at the top of his lungs. Screaming at the sky, the wind, anything that would listen. "Just give it your best f*cking shot!" Then he spun on his heel, turning his back to the cliff, and looked back at Luke's cross. Luke had always told him never to give up. To always keep fighting. If he killed himself, how would he face his boyfriend on the off chance that the afterlife did exist?
No, he could not kill himself. It was time to take a leaf out of Luke's book; to stop wallowing in self pity, and take his life in his own two hands. To take it, and bend it until it went in the direction that he wanted it to. It was time to stop running and hiding. Time to take control. 
Shoving his phone back into his pocket, Orion strode purposefully back to his bike, and although the journey back hurt perhaps even more than the journey there, this time the pain only fueled his new found determination. 

***

Orion arrived back at the university in one piece, and parked his bike carefully in its usual spot. He ran a thumb over the new scratches and tsked his tongue in annoyance, making a mental note to fix it the first chance he got. Then he buckled his helmet onto the handlebars, and strode back toward the university. His heart still ached, and he could tell from the sting in his eyes that he felt like crying, but at that moment, he was determined not to show the weakness. He was determined to make it through. 

Imaged of James and Cory played through his mind like a movie as he strode up the stairs, and the corridor to his room seemed far longer than he remembered. He dreaded facing James, but he had to go back. Everything he owned was in that room. It would be hard, he knew, to see James. To look at his lips, knowing where they'd been. But he would just have to cope, somehow. 

He reached the door, and this time, Orion did not bother to knock. It wasn't like it had helped him the last time anyhow. When he pushed open the door, it was much the same as the day he'd arrived. His eyes were fixed so firmly on the ground that he couldn't even tell if James was there or not, and he told himself that he didn't care. He grabbed his bag - still half packed - from the floor, then pulled open the first of his drawers, and began piling his clothes into it, not bothering to fold them. He just wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of James asleep on the bed, and his chest throbbed painfully. He looked quickly away, pretending not to notice, and hoped that his roommate would not wake before he was done packing. 

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